Her name is Felicia - By Megan McDonnell

As a lay in bed at night it's like a broken record.  'You're so lazy.. You don't deserve him.. You can't do that'  
My inner mean girl is nothing short of a B.I.T.C.H who will continue to haunt my mind with her unwanted commentary as I carry out my day.
Driving to work 'Her car is nicer than yours.. Oh they're driving too slow, swear at them' 
At work 'Don't get anything for lunch today, look at you, you don't need to eat.. No one here likes you'
At home 'Don't sit down, get off your lazy ass and clean'  'Why don't you go to the gym you fat shit'
It's endless and tiring as fuck...  How could I possibly have the motivation for anything when I constantly have this voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough for anyone or anything?
When I look in the mirror I don't see someone my boyfriend loves & cares for, I don't see someone my stepdaughter loves to sit on the couch and cuddle with, I don't see someone who is loved by her friends.  I see a fake, a big fat fake that people feel sorry for and she convinces me that's why my boyfriend loves me, that's why my step daughter wants to cuddle me on the couch, that's why I have friends.. Because all these people feel sorry for the fat piece of shit that I really am.  Even as I sit here and write this, her constant taunting wont let me hit the send button for days or weeks because no one cares what I have to say.
Well I'm sick to death of my inner mean girl making me feel like this, I'm sick to death of her controlling me and feeding my fears that I'm not lovable because fuck me I AM.  That's why I have decided to give her a name, Felicia!  So every time she creeps into my head and starts with her negative bullshit I will say 'Bye Felicia' & flood my head with positive affirmations or read a gorgeous comment on a selfie that I've posted.
I am better than Felicia, I don't need to put anyone down to make myself feel better, I love to empower people, to seek the best out of themselves.
I'm usually the first to shut down a negative comment that someone around me says about themselves, so why is it so bloody hard for me to do this for myself?  Because Felicia feeds on fear, she fears that she wont have a place in my head if I shut her up, she's scared that I will be successful, loved & cared for & when that happens she will have nothing!
You are better than your mean girl, so stop feeding her and let her go.  It will take time but eventually she will be like a toxic friend that your finally woke up to and got rid of and you'll wonder why you didn't kick her sorry ass to curb earlier.
Love yourself Queens, show the world how its done 👑

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