Some Assembly Required - by Jessica Louise
Its 5.23 am. Ive only just opened my eyes and im already exhausted as i try and slide out of bed to pee without waking my toddler up. Because no one wants to start their already long day early and with a child who needs your every second of attention or their world will collapse. Yep, i am a toddler mum. A piece of the puzzle that is Me.
On my way to the loo i pass the mirror. Surely its too early in the morning to feel such distaste to your own reflection? Well you'd think so but no. You see even at a size 8 i never liked my body. Ive always hid behind a facade of self confidence. But really i am a ball of self hatred no matter my size. And that is not ok. See the truth of the matter is, although i am actually quite lazy and amazingly gifted at eating i have a few underlying issues. I am a pcos sufferer. When i fell pregnant with my daughter i was just under 100kg and gave birth at 105kg. 2 weeks post partum i was smaller than pre baby. That wasnt so bad....... but i spoke to soon. 40kg in 6 months happened. Thanks hormones and sheer exhaustion. And ok. there was also nuggets. Lots and lots of amazing nuggets. And vodka. Ok fine there was also chocolate.
That led me down a path of depression and infertility. Yes. The woman whom fell pregnant on depo pro vera whilst living a bad lifestyle couldn't now rear another child because she was inevitably "too fat". That hit hard and sparked a depression like no other. And well, still does. How cruel does this world really need to get?
This led me to find excersise. Yes i swore at you. But it fast went from weightloss driving me to my amazing change in mental health. The clouds were gone. I could see through the monotonous fog that was trying to conceive and being depressed that after 18 months nothing worked. I lost 17 kilos in 4 months and life was great! And damn was that booty peachy! Id found myself again and had accepted my body for the ever changing, life growing, pcos wielding vessel that it is. Another piece of my beautiful puzzle.
Fast forward to this year. With my daughter now 2 years old and the bills still hanging around i set about going back to work. I took up a job cleaning up after other peoples holidays. My hospitality career was now down the drain as family had become a thing in my life. ... did i mention my partners fifo. So after realizing this wasnt going to work very well around a household and a child for a 5 day a week "single mum". And now we are back.
Its 7.30 my alarms going off and its time to start my day. I look at my beautiful daughter drooling on her dads pillow and check shes still breathing. Cos you know... mum life. I think ill be doing that until shes 18. And now at this very second my working day begins. 8 inboxes from customers needing help throughout the night. Some trivial. Some complaining some just wanting to chat. Check through my site, advertise a product pay some bills and realize i need to sell more stuff today, the hustle is real today. My toddler farts and wakes herself up. My second job begins. As we fight for 10 minutes because she asked for triangles and i cut her toast in squares i try to think up a witty campaign for the day. I type out a few lines and then go back to my next battle of getting clothes on this tiny human. Like a drunk friend they always know better. I scoff down a cuppa and finish my post before i get her in the car. Praise the lord, its a daycare day. Now the fun really begins. 500 phone calls with suppliers, returning a million emails, 6 different stops on the way home for different supplies and a quick wee cos the teas kicked in and a mums bladder is seriously never the same.
Its 11am. Theres a customer demanding a refund as aus post haven't deleivered yet. You realize you have run out of a product. You courier is late bit you have 50 parcels due to be collected. Your phone rings. Your toddlers spewed and needs collecting.
Fast forward through a few tantrums, a lot of advertising. 10 chocolates ive eaten whilst packing orders and a healthy as hell toddler who seems perfectly ok to terrorize Your house while you dont get much work done and its 5pm. Time to cook dinner and make the single phone call a day i get with my partner. A quick clean of the house AGAIN, a few more emails, 10 half packed parcels prime advertising time and screaming toddler because she wants to take her book in the shower. I breath deeply and simply survive.
Its 11pm. Ive once again ridiculed myself in the mirror as i step out of that long hot shower. But why. That woman in the mirror is a machine. She created a child. She keeps that child alive. She keeps her house going. She forgets to drink water because she was so busy running her business and fighting with a toddler all day. She has cellulite, she has saggy boobs. She has bags under her eyes.
Her puzzle isn't together but even in pieces its complete.
SHE IS A MUM, SHE IS A BUSINESS OWNER. SHE IS A FIFOWIFE.
SHE. IS. FIERCE.
And after writing all this. She is proud of herself.
Girls. Life is never going to be easy. Your not going to like it all the time. You don't even have to love yourself all the time. But you really should try. You are amazing. Tell yourself that every day.